he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
