Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
