The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
