We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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