ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY