uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.