So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.