need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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