Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
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Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.