You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
