it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
