Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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