cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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