There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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