you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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