woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
