I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
