I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
