my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
