Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
