I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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