I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
