You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize