Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
