I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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