Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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