Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
