Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
