the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
