i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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