Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We left the knife in your bed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
