the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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