The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
