i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
