We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
