i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
