what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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