if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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