Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
