he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
