TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
