do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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