I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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