Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and she was petting her beer can
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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