Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She is in my trunk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
