i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
