I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
