Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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