I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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