I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
