Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
