Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
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want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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