i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
