i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
