Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
