In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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