Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
