Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
