A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
