Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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