I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
