come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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