remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize