Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
