She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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