Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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