ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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