Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
