Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
