So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize