there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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