Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
