And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
