did you get engaged???
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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