absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
