Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
