I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
