i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
