I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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