So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
