Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
